Something that kept me going…. That has to be earned!.....

Something that kept me going…. That has to be earned!.....

Every day went in waste. I did not do well while studying. Did not have a good job, not good at things I kind of love to do. Drams and deeds are different but I love them both. I love technical and I definitely love to write. I keep birds now and I just started growing plants. I might start keeping fish. Farming of different sorts is a passion that I have a calling for. But so is learning about new tech languages programing circuits and all that my job as a techie, of sorts.

But that deep calling that makes me go on beside all set-backs, loss of fish, birds, education, not being able to move forward for a better career, short temperedness and all of that; all the negatives and hopeless thoughts that I can think of; I still keep moving on. Trust me that is not because I am one of many great minds or any such non-sense. I am just some person that found a hope to push myself forward even if, you lost everything all at once or somethings at sometimes regularly intervals. It’s all the same thing. Everyone things there combination of sorrows are the worst. That is why I say that it is all the same. It never feels so but. Sorrow is just sorrow just depends on how to handle it.

This conversation is going of track slightly; a bit irritating is you are sad or depressed now. I am sorry. Just take a deep breath with me ……………. Breathe In …………. Breathe Out…… do it once more… please!..

Now this is a story that I wanted to share with you. Not a story just an experience and a realization.

I get up at 4:30am brush my teeth then go upstairs and puts in the food and water for my birds, P.S I have 5 pairs of them now. Take a bath, get dressed reach the station by about 5:15am. My train comes by 5:35am. After I board the train I usually sleep till I reach Ernakulam. I get down there and go to work. My office is 45 minites away. I reach there by about 9:30am. After work I reach Ernakulam Railway station again and head back to Thiruvallathe my home town, by the 6:30pm train. I reach by about 9:10pm. I go straight upstairs wash the plates of my birds. Wash up, eat, talk for some-time to my parents and sister and maybe watch videos or songs online something like that. Then sleep. That’s it; that is my daily routine. These habits are all that I am now, I kept repeating them.

Well after a while of repeating this over and over again I got tired, really feed-up and yes may be a bit depressed. As this went on and on something really special happen. Oh by the way I lost a few friend during this time ok, that added to this mood of mine and it got a bit worse I think. Well anyway on my way to Ernakulam one such morning. I did not sleep I just kept gazing out side. There was nothing new, just the usual sights. But I noticed something that day that have me a break. A field with golden fog I had seen it before but that day it meant something else. Seeing that after such a long time reminded me of something, taught me something! I miss this sight everyday. I go by seeing all the sorrows that I had that I missed such a beautiful sight. I just had to see the happy things that happen around me and the happy things that I can choose to do.

I am a very badly pushed back person emotionally. All I want to say to all those hopelessly pushing forward people out there reading this one day, like me. If you are looking for a reason to stand up then here is something for you. Beauty is seen, hope is found, and energy is built when you are in need. You see the beauty of something when you are selfless. You find Hope when have nothing to rely on. You build energy and strength to move one when you are willing to step forward. It is never what you are given that matters. It is what You earn.!!

The Gardener Messed Up!

The Gardener Messed Up!

Everyone in this world wants more time don’t they! Don’t worry this is not a, ‘How efficiently you use Time for a Better Tomorrow!’ class. Everyone has been board enough with that lecture. I just want to tell you my experience.

I’ve  a habit of sitting up at night seeing videos, ones like; how to build aquariums, keeping pet birds, wood and metal working, how to use certain tools, technical tutorials, new movies, songs, and things like that. One fine night I was forced to stop all that and go to bed as my phone hit 2% charge.
I was a bit impatient so……
I did use it for a bit longer after plugging it in. Well eventually anyway, I put my phone down and went to bed.

But at the middle of the night there was a guest in the night sky. Quite a big thunder storm, there was heavy rain really loud thunder a pretty bright lightning. The next morning I woke up to see my phone with the led red ; as it should be when it is charging. But it stayed that way even after I unplugged it my screen back light was on, yet it was pitch black no matter what I did.

The screen was also damaged after a accident last day, so I thought I can get them both repaired together. So I gave it for repair and was to get it back after one or one and a half days. In its absence I did not get to do many things like my mid night hobbies chatting and all that and I did not postpone many things as I had no way to inform the other person that I will not be there.  But above all that there was a change in attitude in me. From being a lazy maybe, maybe not person I became a ‘Feel It, Do it, Done!’ person. I did avoid a few tasks that I avoided because I was sick but that day I felt really active even though I was sick.

In my case my phone was a sentence without any full-stop. A parasite maybe, a beneficial one; That was me going a bit overboard right. Which got me thinking, “ Is my phone a potential villain?” I thought on it for a while and it hit me “No!”

At that time maybe, Yes. But for me at some other time Maybe/ Maybe Not. For someone else who knows what? The phone or its use are not the villains, it’s something else.
If you believe that you are not getting enough time as you want to; that just means, ‘You are not Doing Everything that You are Doing in your Life in the Way You Really Want It to be Done.’ You can’t just go around blaming things in general.

This is not generation gap or life style or anything like that. You just forgot something as silly as a weed which grew into a thick mess which makes everything you do in that garden look a bit awkward. Things like using of a mobiles laptops, social media, dressing, so on and so forth.

So do one thing take a little time to yourself look at everything. Make sure that everything is where it should be. Even weed looks good when it is where it should be. Get a gardener or be one. Though it takes time it is for a life time.

What Is that Boy Made of?

What Is that Boy Made of?

Once, long ago I saw a boy. He was always sitting alone. When started to observe him a bit closely, I under why it was so; More the friends he made More the friends he lost. Each time he made a friend, he got a bit of hope, but soon after that they left making bigger hole. Well the good thing was that the hope remained.
May be that is why he never lost his mind!

One day I asked him, if he had cried each time they left you behind all alone. He smiled and said, “I cried yesterday night and that is why I can smile today.” That got me worried! ‘Was he crying every night?’ That’s not good. In fact that is going to end terribly! But when I asked about that his answer shocked me even more, “I only cry when I loose not for the memory of the lose.” This kid, I wish I was at least a bit more like him.

“How can you be that strong?” I asked. For a boy in class 6, that is age 13, he was way beyond any normal expectation.

“When you are trained with as much experience with hurt as I am, it is not that easy to get hurt. But that does not mean hard hearted, just have a strong root into that ground; with a backup plan” he replied and smiled.

For him crying is a rope that pulls him out of tragedy. He does not keep crying and crying remembering the past. He only cried that night when he lost something for a while. It’s like a pressure cookers nozzle for him. He does that with ease. I really have no idea how he is doing this over and over again.

I didn’t have to ask anything more, he answered as if he read my mind. “When you are hurt prioritize. Just because someone did something, that does not change who I am or how I have to be.
I still love them all and I do still care. I just learn that these expressions on the faces of my friend’s mean these things in my friend’s head. Knowing this will help me be a better friend and……”
“I do not criticize myself for being bad I just try to make a better knowledge of my room for improvement so…..”

“OK! If that is so do you try to win back the friends that you lost?” I interrupted.

He said, “No I just become a better me and behave the same to everyone all together, Yes there will slight variation even than that is what happens.”

Interesting, don’t you think? Selfless or Selfish? I wondered to myself.

“I’m a shop keeper that hold my character traits, not a direct marketing sales man. Come to my shop you see everything, I do have a flex board but I do not sent out notices” He added as an explanation to feed my very querious mind. Wow ok this just keeps getting more and more interesting. Then he went on, “If I know someone needs me I do ask. Sometimes I ask repeatedly till I get an answer yes or till they get it all sorted out. At other times I help or get everything set and then only ask for permission.”

The boy made me wonder about selfless sacrifice, something that is becoming a common word now. I didn’t ask anything but he added, “I sacrifice anything and everything for those who made me cry, that gives me one more reason to smile the next day. I do no cry over my sacrifices”

“Are you getting to selfless sacrifice?” I asked, but he said no. That was shocking. “Then what!” I asked surprised. “Selfless sacrifice is just a word now-a-days just a reason to cry! If you want to do something for someone and then cry over it, why do you do it and why do you call it sacrifice and that to a selfless one. It is ok to cry when you lose I also do the same but to keep doing that. Then it is better not to do that at all. So I am not too fond of the word but I do like the concept and its practice as long as you do it is done with justice to both ends.”

‘If I study him and submit a thesis, I will get a Ph.D in Psychology and Psychiatry, that to without going through the trouble of taking a degree followed by a masters’, I thought to myself.

“For me….”, he continued “ what I do to bring a smile on someone’s face is not sacrifice. It is kind of like, Investment in business to get profit, or like hard work for success”

Before I recovered from the numbness of that dialog he asked, “If you achieve what you aim at do you win or do you loose?”

“Mm…Win!”, I said

“What you did to achieve it, is that a lose?”, he continued.

“No I guess if what you aim at is worth it” I said with a bit of doughty.

“Then why is it called sacrifice?” I was like “Ammmmm……”. “You said ‘if what you aim at is worth it, I told you in the beginning itself when you loose priorities”. I was lost in the depth of that thought.

“I would phrase it as, ‘The smile on their faces make me happy the next day. The tear of their lose end the previous night’ to make it a bit poetic.”, he concluded.

“How do you know? I mean How do you know if they are really happy?” I asked like a querious lad to a teacher.

He had an answer for that to, but how could he have so much experience at such a young age and have learned so much? Well he said, “That’s the fun part; There are two options:

1)     Imagine that they are and if you get to know that they are not, you get to slap them and say, ‘Next time stay’. If you get to know if you can help, then help. If you can’t leave it.

2)     Now that they are not with you it’s not your job.”

The bell rang and the boy walked back to class. I kept walking around. Thinking to myself, Is he harder than diamond or is he softer than a flower? I kept walking around seeing all the places that I used to sit; took a deep breath and thought to myself, “My old school still has that same good old smell!”

Time Wait Do Done!

Time Wait Do Done!

In your life there are a lot of things that you want to do or try. Like things you want to do, things you want to learn, places where you want to go so on and so forth. But! Why haven’t you done it yet?

            Have you ever wondered why you keep these thing for later, I know we have lot of reasons why we do what we do but even then, at the end of the day all you did was make up an excuse. I know, I do it all the time with most of my dreams.

            Let me tell you story. I had passion for martial arts, kung fu being my favorite and having learned it for two years I wanted to go on and get better at it. But like I said there were a lot of excuses like studies, teaching facility, training space, shy to do in public; I mean what if any one finds out(This shy me had performed with weapons onstage for the talent show), like that, it went on.

Well you know what happen one day; I felt physically ill. I had siviour back pain and I couldn’t go for my job, I had a curtail project pending, It was hell. I couldn’t help it but thank God everything went well and I did get better. I was given 5 days of bed rest. But on the 4^th day something happen.

Nothing much; “ It rained!.. With thunder and lightning.” Be the time of try hot climate almost two months before the rainy season. It was quite unexpected, yet comforting.

            Let me guess what some of you just thought when I said “……something happen.”  Followed up to say “it rained”; “That’s it?” or maybe some you said, “interesting Go On!” Those how went down a bit don’t worry Here comes the twister.

When it rained I just walk to the balcony on the 1^st floor and watched it. I go there some times. When I think  about something topics or thoughts or articles like that. Well that day I was thinking about something and walked up the stairs, walked out the door and reached the edge of the shade. I reached out my hand into the rain. I didn’t do anything just watched my hand get wet.

            Then it struck me; “Take the 1^st step, step out, get back into what you love, build your own way!” I did!. I had no Idea what to do after I stepped out into the rain I had no practice in years together. But most importantly, I did not remember My excuses My illness nothing!.

            As I walked a bit forward I felt a breeze that chilled me to the tip of my hair and looked around. I heard the thunder. I took a breath and moved one step at a time not stopping. I just felt my feelings and my passion for the art of Martial Art made it one with the elements that I could feel and move. Nothing else mattered.

I used to feel what will they think if maybe my neibour saw, maybe my father saw, maybe my grandmother my mother or anyone else many be saw. But at that time nothing really mattered, I just felt my hearts beat, the thunder, the lightning, the rain and the ground I could felt the warmth of my heart, speed of the wind, acceptance of earth, the strength of water and the free spirit of the sky. I could feel the five elements. I knew nothing yet I made my own technique, “The Thunder Storm Technique”

            The joy that I went through for that time period can’t be measured, it is just bliss. Even now the memories of that little time period keeps me going on and want to do more and more. But still I find excuses.

            Of all the confusion that you are in right now, I just want you to remember a few things as you move on back into you scheduled life. It is ok to wait if you know what you are waiting for. It is ok to wait if you are ready to give up it is ok to wait if you can change any trigger into a key to open the path everything you want to be in life. It is ok to wait if you are ready to fight harder. When I got back into training I just didn’t want to stop. But then I remembered something, my motivation for keeping on pushing myself forward. It was this one thought “There is no limit to what you can do in one day.” But as I thought about it while trained, I decided to add one more line to it. “There is no limit to what you can do in one day. But there should be a limit to what You Should Do in One Day”

            When you add a colour to that water of life, give that colour time to set and spread properly and evenly in the area that you want it to be in. So let me emphasize “It is ok to wait.”

            Nature waits for the right time. So wait but nature does not wait forever, so don’t wait forever. Lotus Only Blooms when The Sun Comes up.

Do what You have to do!!!!......