Thursday, 15 August 2019

I Spent One Hour And A Sunset With My Birds; P.S. It helps!...


I Spent One Hour And A Sunset With My Birds; P.S. It helps!...

            I am 25 years old and a little over an year back it felt like it would be nice to keep pets it could be a hobby. I wanted to keep fish, so I researched well, studied how to take care of fish different kind, needs and all that. But I all of a sudden changed to keeping birds; I have sixteen birds now. I built a cage; my first solo build. I had casualties at first, sill I kept going now, I am a pretty cool bird keeper, Still have a lot to learn!
            So I feed them I clean their cage give the water, vegetables, fruits P.S. thulsi seem to their favorite thing. Well now it has been a year since I started keeping them but as time passed some issues started to come up. Not with the care of the birds, No I was not loosing interest but it just, I don’t know how to saw it. But um!…. I was getting sad, depressed, ready to give up on myself. But even then I did not stop talking care of them. I kept doing everything I had done.
After a pretty long time I sat near their cage looking at the sky; blue canvas with beautiful artistic stocks of white shaded with golden yellow and a slight tint of orange and red, trust me it was beautiful. But something pulled my eye away from all that, my birds. When I sat next to the cage they came as close as they could as stood there. They did make and sounds, P.S. sing, they didn’t fly left and right, like when I came to feed them they just stood there looking at me.
            I asked them “Why do you like me? I mean I put you in a cage gave food that I think you like I restrict your flight space. All you can do is eat, drink, fly in cuboidal shape cage that I believe is enough flight space for you; P.S. It’s quite big don’t worry about that part. You still like me. People have this whole world to go still we of someone whom we this is loving us puts us in a box. We can go out yet we choose to be in them and curse it and get depressed committee suicide.” I thought to myself they live on giving us hope, friendship, and a few lessons we will get to learn I the future, it will hit us all soon, trust me. Birds were my media, yours might be different. Just remember that everything has something and that something is a lesson at one time of the other.
            P.S. I even thought of letting them free out into the wild. I didn’t because; they don’t have a natural habitat here they are native to other nations and the ones that are available not natural ones they are mostly bred in captivity. They don’t know how to survive. Let them out and their population will drop to drastically. The other reason was once when I was put a new bird into the cage one escaped and flew away. It was then that I understood that they can’t fly above the level of my waste the maximum height that he reached was about 1.5m from take of height. How can a birds survive in the wild like that, don’t compare them to hens or other such birds, if you think about it, in a mood not to argue you will get what I mean.
            Well keeping birds gave me one of the best sun sets I had ever had. It got me out of a sorry sour me. Now I have baby birds on the way. I started keeping fish a few months back and they are having babies too..
            “You might have taken back different things from this little say, but I would ask you to take one particular thought, ‘There is motivation everywhere, you will see the right one at the right time. if you are looking you get started early because you will be on fire with the smallest spark. Its ok if you are not looking something big is coming your way to start your fire’ No more P.S. It’s on the dot.”

Wednesday, 14 August 2019

I’m Me Moving Forward!


I’m Me Moving Forward!

It is really strange how thing turn out in life. When I think back now I was never good at friendships, I managed to get along I KG class, then till 10th standard I had friends but not no one was a besty kind or not even close to that we studied in the same class kind. Then in 11th 12th I got so many friends that I lost count still not besty. Will at that time it was ok I tried to make fiends they become kind of close then they find a besty and bye bye me. Well friendship was never meant for me I guess. I did not know how to talk non-offensively; I am a non-caring idiot. All I have are people how come to me when they need me and people who say that I am an idiot to do these things for others without thinking about you. Yes it is always my fault I am sorry and I can’t change no matter how hard I try I keep falling back and well I don’t know.
            Over the past few years I grew close to a few friends that I started sharing a lot with, I kind of grew dependent on them I guess. It hurt when they didn’t talk to me. I am being destroyed now. It started with one and now I kind of have non. When I …… of all the things that has happen I am a total waste now
            I thought of giving up every single second of every single minute of every single hour of every single day, my doctor even told me that I might have a slight depression. Responsibilities are the only things that are driving me on during these times. I can’t even understand myself, what do I have a talent for, if I am good at anything if I…. I don’t know. I mean there is no reason for existence anymore. Well other than responsibilities.
            In the middle of, my family problems educational issues that I have created for myself unemployment unable to pursue my passion of martial art music art built thing that I imagine up, well I guess I just like doing all these things that does not mean that I am any good at it, the only thing that is driving me on is one ward. “HOPE” and I am starting to loose that everything.
            I really wish I had help, but … I don’t I share this helplessness and all I get is sympathy ‘The “Awww..!...” thing’ and I hate that.
            I believe that I have to go at this alone if someone comes along offering help, Thankyou. But if that mean be a different me then sorry I would rather be alone. To let out that anger its better if you are alone atleast you will not hurt anyone. In times of my greatest need I was always alone. That is not a bad thing. You are getting stronger just like working out. You will only find out after you finish the course. Gym takes time to build your body you can’t do it over a 3 minute song, like in the movies. Thought it takes time just deal with it without making a big deal. Unless you shout out no one else will know. All the friends that  I had given so much importance to, they are not even talking to me. Some don’t like it when I am me, If I am not me when I am with them then there are things to be learned for the both of us. Friends are not those people that tolerate all you split ends they are the ones who get hurt a bit and make you feel that pain so that everyone grows together. In growth there is change. It is ok that you change that is a part of life. No change is equal to stubborn, and you are like a pond; which is not really clean. Good changes are needed if you want to move forward in life. Change into a better you not into a copy of someone exactly. That does not mean that you shouldn’t take others as an example.
            The rest of “what I am trying to say is…”, you will understand on your own way
            When you want to give up you will get every single reason in the world Bu when You want to give it all and move forward, all you will have is that reason, the most Powerful one “I will Do It!...” that drive is all you will have and that is all you will need. I am going to make it through it. Move forward with me in your own ways

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