Something that kept me going…. That has to be earned!.....
Every day went in
waste. I did not do well while studying. Did not have a good job, not good at things
I kind of love to do. Drams and deeds are different but I love them both. I
love technical and I definitely love to write. I keep birds now and I just
started growing plants. I might start keeping fish. Farming of different sorts
is a passion that I have a calling for. But so is learning about new tech
languages programing circuits and all that my job as a techie, of sorts.
But that deep calling
that makes me go on beside all set-backs, loss of fish, birds, education, not
being able to move forward for a better career, short temperedness and all of
that; all the negatives and hopeless thoughts that I can think of; I still keep
moving on. Trust me that is not because I am one of many great minds or any
such non-sense. I am just some person that found a hope to push myself forward
even if, you lost everything all at once or somethings at sometimes regularly
intervals. It’s all the same thing. Everyone things there combination of
sorrows are the worst. That is why I say that it is all the same. It never feels
so but. Sorrow is just sorrow just depends on how to handle it.
This conversation is
going of track slightly; a bit irritating is you are sad or depressed now. I am
sorry. Just take a deep breath with me ……………. Breathe In …………. Breathe Out…… do
it once more… please!..
Now this is a story
that I wanted to share with you. Not a story just an experience and a
realization.
I get up at 4:30am
brush my teeth then go upstairs and puts in the food and water for my birds,
P.S I have 5 pairs of them now. Take a bath, get dressed reach the station by
about 5:15am. My train comes by 5:35am. After I board the train I usually sleep
till I reach Ernakulam. I get down there and go to work. My office is 45
minites away. I reach there by about 9:30am. After work I reach Ernakulam
Railway station again and head back to Thiruvallathe my home town, by the
6:30pm train. I reach by about 9:10pm. I go straight upstairs wash the plates
of my birds. Wash up, eat, talk for some-time to my parents and sister and
maybe watch videos or songs online something like that. Then sleep. That’s it;
that is my daily routine. These habits are all that I am now, I kept repeating
them.
Well after a while of
repeating this over and over again I got tired, really feed-up and yes may be a
bit depressed. As this went on and on something really special happen. Oh by
the way I lost a few friend during this time ok, that added to this mood of
mine and it got a bit worse I think. Well anyway on my way to Ernakulam one
such morning. I did not sleep I just kept gazing out side. There was nothing
new, just the usual sights. But I noticed something that day that have me a
break. A field with golden fog I had seen it before but that day it meant
something else. Seeing that after such a long time reminded me of something,
taught me something! I miss this sight everyday. I go by seeing all the sorrows
that I had that I missed such a beautiful sight. I just had to see the happy
things that happen around me and the happy things that I can choose to do.
I am a very badly
pushed back person emotionally. All I want to say to all those hopelessly
pushing forward people out there reading this one day, like me. If you are
looking for a reason to stand up then here is something for you. Beauty is
seen, hope is found, and energy is built when you are in need. You see the
beauty of something when you are selfless. You find Hope when have nothing to
rely on. You build energy and strength to move one when you are willing to step
forward. It is never what you are given that matters. It is what You earn.!!
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