When I walked out Those Doors..! Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Story till the Tea Break!...

               Kevin turned towards his mother with a tight grip on the seat and the front dash. “Ok you are telling me that you both are martial artist. No Way!”

“You are joking right!!!...”

“Then why didn’t you teach me yourself? Why didn’t you help me get stronger? Why didn’t you tell me anything related to this Episode of your life?” Kevin exploded. He was angry, sad and slightly irritated. He leaned back on the back rest of the seat really hard with his hands tied looking in the opposite direction to his mother.

            “Oh! Look you have a frown, just like the one you had 3 years back when you told us you want to study kung-fu; I remember that very clearly!” mentioned Geetha as if she had recollected that incident then only; “ Not that it was bothering me then or any day after that, but you said you found a great kung-fu class and you wanted to join. I remember you saying something that goes like, ‘I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING I WILL ASK WHEN I NEED HELP’ Maybe you should’ve let us tell a you a bit more that; ‘hmm maybe we do something like this; instead of that why don’t…….’ Maybe then you would have heard what you are asking me now” Geetha was quite casual about it.

            The frown was gone and he swallowed his anger with a sprinkle of regret. He was not sure what to say, as confused sad angry and all those emotions coming at him all together he had mind in a state that could be called a blank slate. “You could ha told me later, sometime you know like in our tea time” Kevin said in a kind of really low voice compared to his normal volume or the volume a moment before. Regret and sorrow is really a big baggage to carry. “That would have been like pouring tea into an already full Coffee cup” said Geetha she had her sweet voice in a low base tone on. Kevin felt a bit better when he saw her ‘The Sweetest Smile Ever’

“I really don’t know how you do that how do you know exactly what to do to teach me something. Even when I over react you seem to know exactly what and how to tell what I could do. How do you Do that I am really really curious” Asked Kevin in his very rarely occurring calm state

            “How are you so calm right now?” asked Geetha. “I guess I am … I don’t know I am confused and I don’t know what to do…When you relies that you don’t know anything and that you have a lot to learn, you start thinking. When you realize you have someone to learn from right next to you, I guess I calm down.” said Kevin still looking out. The same goes with me, not just me your father too, actually he taught me that. You grandfather was a great man, He always use to tell us that, When you tell your children something make sure they are not just learning that…”; “Confusing as usual” said Kevin interrupting Geetha. “…..he used to say make sure that they learn it good enough to teach their children and the next and so on.” continued Geetha with a smile.

“So think you can tell how, you know how the two of you met? ” asked Kevin curiously.

“Well…..”Geetha smiled and started, “…….it was in the ring”

Kevin pushed his eyebrows up with curiosity and nodding his head he said, “OK, Go on..!” Geetha looked through the corner of her eyes and smiled holding in laugh and small blush.

“We were at the regional mixed martial arts tournament; we didn’t notice each other till he entered the ring. He was not my opponent he was my best friend’s opponent. He walked not to confidence, not with style or anything. He just simply walked in and stood there.” Geetha took joy in recollecting, Kevin could read that of her face.

“My friend walked in all furious and I kept cheering her to fire things up. Then it happen…, He glanced at me, I don’t know what happen but that felt weird, I went like, ‘What was that look?’ To be honest till I asked him that was a horn in my foot.”

“What was that look What did he mean?....” asked Kevin with a hype of high pitch in his voice. “ You will see soon enough” said Geetha. “So as I was saying in the ring he stood there without moving around much he just kept his eyes on her” Geetha went blank and there was total silence in the car. “And?” asked Kevin. “Well in the end He won!!...” Concluded Geetha abruptly

“Ok seriously this is how you met ? Come on I get it I didn’t ask how you fell in love. I will be specific with my words and I will teach my kids the same to but what you Just did was a bit outrageous!” Kevin said with all sorts of mixed emotions. “Who said I finished I was just taking a breather, To recollect something to you with all my emotions fit in that takes you know it a rare feeling” explained Geetha calmly.

“Oh look a coffee shop why don’t we stop for a drink and we continue afterwards” Kevin said. “You really read my mind.” Said Geetha with her sweet simple smile, “ Though it is coincidental that all this happen today, Today is actually the right day to look back.”

“Why is that!?” Exclaimed Kevin as Geetha parked the car. “I think I will have a “Devil’s Own Cold Coffee’ mm ya my mood is tilted towards cold coffee now” said Geetha stepping out.

When I walked out Those Doors..! Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Drive By the Sun Set!

            As the car moved alongside the sunset Kevin had no idea what was happening. He sat with his seat belt strap down and holding a stiff posture. He curled in his lips and biting down his lips. Slightly tensed his through was running dry. Geetha had a slight smile on her face. She knew exactly what was happening inside her sons head. She glanced at him from time to time seeing that she knew her son well brought up her proud smile; she had the right side curled up like a smile and left side straight she was holding down her laugh so in addition to all that she was also biting her lip down slightly, with her left eye brow up and her right down, she held her proud thought for a while. “Ok, I can’t hold it ok!” said Kevin, “You know I don’t like suspense much, I panic and I make a seen….”

            “You will have to wait, my little bacha…. If I say what we are going to do you will have too many assumptions by the time we get there. It’s a 30 minute drive, Let’s see what your  not that bad an imagination can do.”

            “Maa, Seriously you need to stop doing this mystical teacher that teaches through experience and all that, I mean seriously, what has gotten into you? You are acting really odd since…..”; “Ya since you made hell rain fire on your room; Ya didn’t you find it odd that you where behaving like that and I was quite ok with it….?”
“Please don’t freak me out; I am on the tip of a cliff right now, form last night OK!”

“Yes I found that odd.”, said Kevin gasping.

“And?” asked Geetha smiling.

“I found it odd that you are giving me a hard love course and not loving lessons lecture” said Kevin curiously hoping for a clarification.

“I am Sure you have heard, that is channeling your emotions towards something productive, Like, talking sense into you, when you fight you can do the same thing into your senses first and then into your fist, which means imagine think and execute!” explained Geetha in an enlightened tone

            Kevin with a frown and an anxious mind asked, “Ok yesterday you told me the first lesson of a martial artist, now you are taking about fighting seriously where did you learn all that. Please tell me the whole story and where on earth are we heading we are way passed the city limits all I see are trees”

“Aren’t they beautiful in this golden lighting” Geetha interrupted

“Yes! Yes they are…. Now please tell me where we are going and how do you know all there mystical enlightened talks. For your information Real Martial arts classes we are taught to kick punch jump block, I have heard this calling but I was taught to channel anger into fists to get power , Not all this non sense and that always works!......”

“Why were you angry again!..” Exclaimed Geetha with her eye brows up.

Kevin remained of his defeat in the arena last day and walking out the doors of the stadium got really worked up. But he took a deep breath, held it in for a while and breathed out. Looking out the car window and squeezing the door handle he trying to fallow in his mother’s footsteps. “Channel your emotions not just the anger not into you head not into your mind to talk in there and curse others, Think forward in time use that pleasant view to gain control ; ‘What do you want to do next?’;  I believe in you dear, you can do it”

Kevin looking at the golden trees and evening sky; the setting sun on the other side, started to try what his mother told him to do. He looked at his mother in the background of the sun, looked straight ahead and said, “I don’t know exactly; But I was thinking of going abroad for my graduation and post-graduation may be try IELTS, maybe…. I am looking into that, What do you think”

“I am glad you have thought about it, what you have cooked up is not a bad Idea we will see what we can do. So you were planning on going for coaching classes soon?” Geetha’s clam voice was so sweet in the moment.

“Mmm yes I wanted you both together when I presented this, That is why I was waiting, and haven’t told you till now!”

“Mmm ok we will discuss together then let Holt the topic for now.”

“But wait you still did tell me where learned all that mystical martial arts talk, I seriously need to know tell me at least that. Please tell me! That can’t all be from Jacky Chan and Bruce Lee movies”

“Your father and I fell in Love at a Martial Art school exhibition match, we even fought”

“SAY WHAT NOW! Your bluffing right you can’t be serious, You two Martial Arts Fighters. No Way!”

“MM hmm!” Geetha without a slight change in her smile kept driving on.

When I walked out Those Doors..! Chapter 2

Chapter 2: The Next Morning

            The next morning Kevin woke up to an alarm at 5 in the morning, “Maa, why is the alarm set to 5am?” “Because you Maa gets up every day at 5am” Replied Geetha as if that is no big deal.

            “Get to work you have a lot of work to complete get started today itself, now itself, you have to be ready for school on time to, just because this is your last working day before the holidays doesn’t mean you get to be late. Up up up up…” said Geetha while making her side of the bed, “Make your side of the bed when you are up and of, I mean now!”

            ‘Am I dreaming? Maa is never Like that, she never tries the hard love thing with me. She just asks me to do something and doesn’t stop until I do it in a very lovable and sweet way. What in the world happen? Is it ME? OK! Let me just stop here, I think I am going crazy. Take a Deep breath and I am of.’ Got up made his bed, brushed his teeth, washed up and froze. I hit him how this happen just the other day. What he did today in about 15 20 minutes usually take at least an hour after 7 to 12 nagging by Geetha. “What did she do to me” ‘Oops! My mind voice leaked out’

            Kevin walked up to his room sorted the broken and the not broken stuff arranged some of them went thought all the broken once, “That’s a relief nothing is broken that a bit of glue can fix!...”

“Breakfast is ready.” called out Geetha from the kitchen. Kevin ran down, the way he always does when food is being served. He had some breakfast told her the state of his room. When he was almost done, he smiled and thank you, like he always did, finished up his meal washed up and went off to school. Though something about his mother’s behavior that bothered him, he was sure that she would fix the rest of the room by the time he would reach back.

            Done with his class for the time reached home so happy that he was going to get a full one and half moth of holidays plus his room would be fixed now he was at a super high. Knocked on the door, Geetha opened the door with bright wide smile, she was look tired. Kevin was certain that she was cleaning his room. But to his surprise, it was just that way he left it. But instead found a suite case that was packed. He unpacked his back pack changed freshened up changed and sat down at the dining table. He usually has spent time with Geetha there around 5:30 every day, school or no school if they are home they spent time together having a snack with tea. “Maa does love to cook” said Kevin, “And I am pretty good at it too, ..” smiled Geetha and said “… I Know!..” ‘Oops mind voice leaked out again’

Geetha walked toward the table with two cups of hot tea a few hot samosas. Kept them on the table sat down an look at Kevin they both smiled at each other took their cup of tea, Kevin look through the corner of his eye as he tilted the cup towards him and moved his head towards the cup, at his mother; she wasn’t drinking she was look at him. The hot coffee flashed through his mind. He stopped looked up blew over gently sipped little by little. “It is something else to see the sun set with a cup of steaming tea; especially when with family.  That is why I enjoy this, what about you why do you like spending time here.” asked Kevin to Geetha quite curiously. ”We sit here every day at the dine look through the glass door right bide the table at the sun set. Even though it’s not into the sea, this sight is quite a beautiful spectacle. But don’t think that is why we sit here, I know you and dad says that family is the most important of all, and you don’t keep friends aside as well. How is there so much balance, how do you do this? How do you create this harmony?”

“You are asking a lot of questions today, what fired you up. Usually dad or I start the conversation and you slowly move in. What got into you?” asked Geetha. Kevin sat there with a calm smile and a curious heart. Geetha continued, “I guess you are growing us. Everything we do is a lesson everything we see has something to tell us. Even if you already know the meaning of the words and heard the exact same sentence if you listen carefully there is always something new to learn.” Geetha explained, she turned slightly and looked at the sun. Then she continued, “You lost control when you lost yesterday, that-to to an extend that you trashed your room. Isn’t your first lesson control in the arts, Self-control. Other than the exercises you learn to control right from your breath to the way your body moves in force or at ease.”

“I guess that is proof…” said Kevin in a depressed voice “…that I am not at all a Kung-Fu student, if I don’t even know the first thing…..But wait how do you know that that is the 1^st lesson? “ Geetha smiled and said I have packed you bag take it a come down take any books that you might need if you have any assignment to complete when you get back to school after you holiday.”

“But Maa where are we Going?”

“You will find out soon enough!”

When I walked out Those Doors..! Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Everything starts from Home where The Heart is!

            “What happen, what’s all the noise!” exclaimed Geetha to her 17year old son runing into his room. “Kevin what happen in here why did you trash your room……?”

“Maa, can you please not shout!!!..”
“If you can do this in your room, I can shout.” Said Geetha with her usual face; left eye brows up, smiling with right side of her lip slightly bent up and her chin slightly up as if she was proud of something she did.

            “I am not exactly in the right mood for laughing at that express and you counter joke like dialogs!” exclaimed Kevin bighting his teeth together, stating at a very low volume end at the level of a shout.

            “Can you please for the sake of the girl you will introduce to me soon tell me what is on your mind?”
“Why don’t you come with me and sit on the couch have cup of coffee and we will talk, ok?” Kevin pulled back his head slightly with a curious frown thinking, ‘How on earth is she so calmly handling me breaking every single thing that can be broke in my room?’

            Kevin walk down stares a few minutes after his mother went down, when he reached about half way through the second and last flight of stairs he could see her siting on the couch holding her cup of coffee, with steam slowing flying up, she gently blow over the coffee took  breath in and took a sip. There was another cup waiting for him in front of her. As he walked down further and almost reached the last step the energizing aroma of coffee slowly reached out to him. He took a deep breath in, let it go slowly and walked to ward his mother waiting very patiently.

He sat down, curled in his lips bit them down, took a deep breath and reached for his cup. He looked at the cup and smiled, that was his mother’s favorite cup. It said, “PROPERTY of Geetha; You have been Warned!”

            He took a sip there was total silence, he waited for a while, took another sip. ‘Still waiting on that lecture maa’ Kevin thought to himself.  “Look maa” started Kevin suddenly standing up “I lost my chance to get in to state level kung-Fu tournament. I didn’t even reach the finals or the semi-finals and loose. That’s right! I lost in the first round qualifiers itself!”  She sat there still taking small sips of the coffee; Kevin didn’t stop he just went on, saying how he fought how much he had practiced what his dream of becoming a great martial artist was so on and on and on.

Then when he finally calmed down he gasped for air sat down took a mouth full of coffee. It was hot, “don’t you dare spit!” said Geetha in her very effective commanding voice.
Kevin helplessly “Mmmmm…!” pushing out his eyes and eye brows up.

            “Look up slightly open your mouth make sure you don’t spill out the coffee and gradually blow out  through your mouth, Careful don’t let your lungs drink any of that” said Geetha. Kevin pushed out his eyes even more and frowned. ‘How can anyone do that” Kevin though. Geetha took in a mouth full and showed, you are supposed to be a martial arts fighter, to quote your own words. Now Do it!

Kevin tried and to his surprise he could do it, he was able to drink it. Well to his darn luck he became too confident and did it again, you can guess what happen next……

After a lot of coughing, hot coffee coming through his nose and lot of gasps of air he finally calmed down. He look at his mother’s face, she had a small smile on her face. He couldn’t hold it in either, and the both of them started laughing.

            After dinner Kevin said, “Maa I am sorry for the mess in my room, I will fix everything I can. The rest I will find out how to and fix it there after…”; “Until then we will share the bed in my room, You father will be here only after a few week, Even if you are not done by then We will sleep like we used to when you were an year old” Geetha interrupted.

All I can Say Is Life will Find A way!......

All I can Say Is Life will Find A way!......

Hai you ok? You seem really down, what happen!?

Well it just….. I don’t know……. Its kind of……. You know……… I think………. I should……Hmm

That explains a lot, are you ok with all that? Or is there something you should handle. Well …..we could you know…..!

                        Ya I know we are a team but it just…..hmmm

Let’s take this one thing at a time, Who is our target?

                        Me

Ok who are we with

                        Me

Whose fault is it

                                Mine

And you are blaming yourself for what again

                                For being me

You think that bad. My dear didi, You are unique. The sweetest most beautiful thing anyone can ever have my dear dear sister. Now please smile… you are starting your second year in college tomorrow and this is what you are going with hasn’t you first year taught you any thing…

Did you know that the word of ‘didi’ is an actual a reference to an elder sister and you are calling your younger sister an elder sister, that is really bad you need help, have you consulted anyone

There we go there is that annoying little brat that grew up with me. Now tell me what is wrong I meant what is it that got into your head and is driving you crazy, mmm.. I mean Crazier. You look like some lame kid how just lost a fight!

Oh my God that it isn’t it…..
What happen this time!......?

It was easy wasn’t it, telling me that I am unique, that it ok to be you, that you have to first love yourself and all that philosophy. I am having a really hard time believing all that. Well in my case I am sure that it’s all wrong. I just give up I am a total loser

Oh come on you can’t be serious! Every….

                       Yes I am

Every one has issues

Well then how come no one is there for me when I need a friend and I have to be there when everyone needs someone

How asked you to be You don’t…

Because if I don’t go in myself I will always be left alone.

Look I am sorry I shouted. But it’s not easy ok I am not like you have at least one friend how cares. All I have is…. Never mind

Go on we will deal with it let it go ugly.

I try and remember every birthday I can I try to make it as special as I can for them some do remember keep status call and all that but there is not bonding there I mean I am just getting hollow wishes the ones I share with that I try to make it extra special, most of them forget, some of them don’t even do what they do for all their friend It just really alone. I can expect at least what she gives all their friends I can I least expect that. The ones I thought were really special can’t meet me can’t talk to me can’t call me to there house can’t come over here. All I do is do things for them I don’t have anything when I need it, even normal small talk is too much to ask. I am alone if I charge in on anything I get the responsibility praises and all. Even sometimes I even get asked to do thing, not because they know I can because they want it. If I don’t start a conversation I get to sit alone till some one want something to be done otherwise I am invisible. No one can do anything for me but I am supposed to do everything they think they want in the order they want. I am exhausted I don’t want friends that need my help I want one that like sit with me without me asking them or start a conversation once in a while. I can build impression with someone and make them believe that I am good at stuff, That yes I am! But I don’t know what I am anymore

Please don’t give me that rediscover yourself by doing what you love crap. I am way over all that. All I am is a lost person that is seriously damaged and will be left alone if don’t connecting myself and stay connecting. Have to remind my birthday to most I have to invite myself to parties I have to be some all-knowing The One to be noticed. What do normal people how have fun feel like how do they bond I really don’t get it why am I living, What am I doing with my life.

Well that is a lot on your plate, Know You have trouble finding friends, the ones you trust and like just have a creamy toping kind of bond what you do for them is not what you get back, they hardly remember and what they do is kind of robotic. The once you are ok with do what they can, well there best, that is what hold you from going bad

I get it Friends are a big issue. Look You have trouble with relationships and I have my studying issues. You know how terrible I am at it. You saw this is all to it in the same way I say it ok you will find a good friend one day how will be as crazzzzy as you are and find time for you and all that. It not going to be easy Life is never easy, Straight Roads never get you anywhere where you are strong rewarded and make you feel like you deserve it. All you can do is move on with you head held high learn what you can along the way. You will learn slowly, you will change. It’s ok people change with time, that is called growing. When you grow out of  pot you get planted in the ground it still hard

So the whole point is to move forward keep growing and be Really Really Really optimistic Isn’t just extortion. Why do people love life then

Why do you think people have dreams….

            Mikky didi dinner’s ready

Yap I am starving

                        Hai…….. thanks!

Aren’t you coming or are you going to sit there….. It ok you know, I can finish your desert for you

What’s that smile about!...?

I guess, even if you don’t gave the same person for every sitation you get at least one person in every situation….Maybe

I Here By Announce ………..!

I Here By Announce ………..!

“Honorable dignitaries, teachers, and friends; I am honored that this gathering of extraordinary thinkers writer and spokespersons have seen me worthy for doing inauguration of the meeting to publish the newest work of one of the greatest writer of the nation.”

“I Asish Mathew Johnson here by announce this meeting inaugurated…….”

There was a moment of stun silence followed by a low sound murmur, a few random courses of hesitant clapping followed. The speaker continued when the clapping stopped, “Now that I have a clean slate no expectations, no conjunction, no questions; a mass ready to listen to what I say and take that in. Now I can speak to you and this is my inaugural speech.”

There it was; like a student will sit on his first class ever, every one of those well-educated and renounced people sat their eagerly listening to a man the age of their kid maybe, to what he was going to say.

“I have been through nothing when I compare it to all of your experience. I know every one of you have gone through a struggle to be here. All I did was live with two very supportive parents how did fight occasionally; I mean that happens everywhere I blamed every one of my behavioral flaws on that. I didn’t study when I had all the resources and more I could have done much better I had worked I dreamed.”

“Having failed once in 5^th grade and just passing 10^th grade somehow going through 12^th and finally taking 7 years to complete a 4 year course I stand before you. I mean moving through all those failures and trying out different outcomes for each incident preparing for he next I couldn’t work had enough on my grades. Experimenting cost me a lot. I was trying to be a better person every day that I searched for flaws in my behavior, trying to learn and discover myself that I didn’t learn my lessons. When I forced myself out of depression and lent out my hand to help anyone who asked for it no matter if they were just coming to me for what I can give, rather than as a friend I blamed myself for being a bad friend that no one deemed me fit as a friend.”

“I thought love will change my life so I tried that out and I had to keep the promise I gave to my parents so I did not go after that to. I was still waiting for love. I thought I could write on live and explain precisely what it was. That was a selfish though. ‘If I knew what love was I could find it easily.’ That is how I started writing the book that got me here. Love shouldn’t be selfish may be that is why wasn’t able to complete my work back then.”

“My pet birds and fish taught me what really love is, my parents showed me what it is to be on the receiving end of the love that I was giving everyone else and everyone else showed me what it is like to be on the receiving end of the love that I was giving my parent. I still remember having posted on my Instagram and Facebook page.. it goes like this under the picture of all my birds and fish, ‘I feel true Love for them as I care and do everything for them without expecting them to do any thing back.’ I did, do and will always love them”

“Being silly sensitive and ignorant learning from mistakes that I chose to make even after being warned I was quite the star where ever I went. As time went by I was exhausted. I wanted to help other but I wanted them to show some care to me to. I guess now I was at a stage similar to what parents feel at old age. Can’t blame them I guess, loving is really exhausting. But when I stand in front of you all loved and respected, with the love of my life sitting right in front of me, I am happy even if everything else was taken away from me, Thank you for showing me my Love”

“I want to thank you for teaching me what the meaning of every lesson that I had learned. Thank you for being there thank you for asking me to be the ‘me’ that I am not the ‘me’ that I might be or the ‘me’ that I was. Everyone can be a better person, but that has to be of the present don’t a great man based on what you are going to be in the future. Today becomes the past and the past become the legend. I started my legacy with me. That Is all I intent to remind Everything starts with a single step everything starts with you. Not the Selfish you, simply The You”

“Thank you for your time, thank you for hearing having already done the inauguration I wish you all well and The Scarlett’s of Life all success………
THANK YOU”

I Spent One Hour And A Sunset With My Birds; P.S. It helps!...

I Spent One Hour And A Sunset With My Birds; P.S. It helps!...

            I am 25 years old and a little over an year back it felt like it would be nice to keep pets it could be a hobby. I wanted to keep fish, so I researched well, studied how to take care of fish different kind, needs and all that. But I all of a sudden changed to keeping birds; I have sixteen birds now. I built a cage; my first solo build. I had casualties at first, sill I kept going now, I am a pretty cool bird keeper, Still have a lot to learn!

            So I feed them I clean their cage give the water, vegetables, fruits P.S. thulsi seem to their favorite thing. Well now it has been a year since I started keeping them but as time passed some issues started to come up. Not with the care of the birds, No I was not loosing interest but it just, I don’t know how to saw it. But um!…. I was getting sad, depressed, ready to give up on myself. But even then I did not stop talking care of them. I kept doing everything I had done.

After a pretty long time I sat near their cage looking at the sky; blue canvas with beautiful artistic stocks of white shaded with golden yellow and a slight tint of orange and red, trust me it was beautiful. But something pulled my eye away from all that, my birds. When I sat next to the cage they came as close as they could as stood there. They did make and sounds, P.S. sing, they didn’t fly left and right, like when I came to feed them they just stood there looking at me.

            I asked them “Why do you like me? I mean I put you in a cage gave food that I think you like I restrict your flight space. All you can do is eat, drink, fly in cuboidal shape cage that I believe is enough flight space for you; P.S. It’s quite big don’t worry about that part. You still like me. People have this whole world to go still we of someone whom we this is loving us puts us in a box. We can go out yet we choose to be in them and curse it and get depressed committee suicide.” I thought to myself they live on giving us hope, friendship, and a few lessons we will get to learn I the future, it will hit us all soon, trust me. Birds were my media, yours might be different. Just remember that everything has something and that something is a lesson at one time of the other.

            P.S. I even thought of letting them free out into the wild. I didn’t because; they don’t have a natural habitat here they are native to other nations and the ones that are available not natural ones they are mostly bred in captivity. They don’t know how to survive. Let them out and their population will drop to drastically. The other reason was once when I was put a new bird into the cage one escaped and flew away. It was then that I understood that they can’t fly above the level of my waste the maximum height that he reached was about 1.5m from take of height. How can a birds survive in the wild like that, don’t compare them to hens or other such birds, if you think about it, in a mood not to argue you will get what I mean.

            Well keeping birds gave me one of the best sun sets I had ever had. It got me out of a sorry sour me. Now I have baby birds on the way. I started keeping fish a few months back and they are having babies too..

            “You might have taken back different things from this little say, but I would ask you to take one particular thought, ‘There is motivation everywhere, you will see the right one at the right time. if you are looking you get started early because you will be on fire with the smallest spark. Its ok if you are not looking something big is coming your way to start your fire’ No more P.S. It’s on the dot.”

I’m Me Moving Forward!

I’m Me Moving Forward!

It is really strange how thing turn out in life. When I think back now I was never good at friendships, I managed to get along I KG class, then till 10^th standard I had friends but not no one was a besty kind or not even close to that we studied in the same class kind. Then in 11^th 12^th I got so many friends that I lost count still not besty. Will at that time it was ok I tried to make fiends they become kind of close then they find a besty and bye bye me. Well friendship was never meant for me I guess. I did not know how to talk non-offensively; I am a non-caring idiot. All I have are people how come to me when they need me and people who say that I am an idiot to do these things for others without thinking about you. Yes it is always my fault I am sorry and I can’t change no matter how hard I try I keep falling back and well I don’t know.

            Over the past few years I grew close to a few friends that I started sharing a lot with, I kind of grew dependent on them I guess. It hurt when they didn’t talk to me. I am being destroyed now. It started with one and now I kind of have non. When I …… of all the things that has happen I am a total waste now

            I thought of giving up every single second of every single minute of every single hour of every single day, my doctor even told me that I might have a slight depression. Responsibilities are the only things that are driving me on during these times. I can’t even understand myself, what do I have a talent for, if I am good at anything if I…. I don’t know. I mean there is no reason for existence anymore. Well other than responsibilities.

            In the middle of, my family problems educational issues that I have created for myself unemployment unable to pursue my passion of martial art music art built thing that I imagine up, well I guess I just like doing all these things that does not mean that I am any good at it, the only thing that is driving me on is one ward. “HOPE” and I am starting to loose that everything.

            I really wish I had help, but … I don’t I share this helplessness and all I get is sympathy ‘The “Awww..!...” thing’ and I hate that.

            I believe that I have to go at this alone if someone comes along offering help, Thankyou. But if that mean be a different me then sorry I would rather be alone. To let out that anger its better if you are alone atleast you will not hurt anyone. In times of my greatest need I was always alone. That is not a bad thing. You are getting stronger just like working out. You will only find out after you finish the course. Gym takes time to build your body you can’t do it over a 3 minute song, like in the movies. Thought it takes time just deal with it without making a big deal. Unless you shout out no one else will know. All the friends that  I had given so much importance to, they are not even talking to me. Some don’t like it when I am me, If I am not me when I am with them then there are things to be learned for the both of us. Friends are not those people that tolerate all you split ends they are the ones who get hurt a bit and make you feel that pain so that everyone grows together. In growth there is change. It is ok that you change that is a part of life. No change is equal to stubborn, and you are like a pond; which is not really clean. Good changes are needed if you want to move forward in life. Change into a better you not into a copy of someone exactly. That does not mean that you shouldn’t take others as an example.

            The rest of “what I am trying to say is…”, you will understand on your own way

            When you want to give up you will get every single reason in the world Bu when You want to give it all and move forward, all you will have is that reason, the most Powerful one “I will Do It!...” that drive is all you will have and that is all you will need. I am going to make it through it. Move forward with me in your own ways

A Beautiful Breakfast

A Beautiful Breakfast

Me: “Hai, You reached!”

Maggi: “Ya a few minites back”

Me: “ Hai mmmm….. you are here for a few days right. So…… Can we meet?”

Maggi: “ Well I don’t know actually! I am kind of busy. I came strictly under plan. So I don’t know….”

Me:“ Well Try! If you get time tell me. We can Go grab some shots! What do you say?”

Maggi: “No I don’t drink. And when did you start!!...”

Me: “ No I don’t drink as in alcohol, I meant juice shoots FRUITES BAE. A new store opened. Just  a while back I think. Its been a while since you came by no. maybe thst is why haven’t heard about it. Sure you have great places at Chennai, maybe even better ones, there some special things here too.. what do you say want to go?”

Maggi: “Mmm Oh ok! Well Ok we will go Next Saturday what say”

Me: “ See you there!”

            I was so happy I had seen her once after college other than that seen pictures sent her gift that went really bad once well I did learn a lot even then I feel bad. Just a bit. But first Love is always Special I guess.

            I was over her even though I did not like the decision. I did decided that I will not look at her in any other way the day she said that I was like her own brother. I did morn well but in the end I realized something my love for her it did not dial down by a bit. It just changed in nature, I still love in the same size, but in the way the she wants it to be, The gentile man’s way.

             So I waited and waited, finally The Saturday came. I got up at four in the morning kept the food and water in for the birds, watered all my plants left a bit for the doves that visit got ready and started of to the station. I got the morning 5:35 passenger and reached by about 9 a.m. and got the next bus to CSEZ stop where the shop was. Dammm…! I was too early no place was open and I had to wait in the sun. At almost 10 a.m., they opened got in and waited for her to come. About 10 minutes later she came in seeing her after almost 3 years, I froze. But I had a smile on my face; that was not something that I put there intentionally. She was also smiling, one of the most beautiful smiles I had ever seen in my Life, and well I guess I did always feel that way. Taking into mind that I had ‘IT’ for her and I did not tell her. Also that everybody knew about it, even though I did go and apologize in taking her kindness and friendship for something else. I did feel a sense of guilt.

            That didn’t change her behavior. She still gave me a second chance. She came closer sat in the chair opposite to me. I didn’t know what to say. I was literally stuck with a small smile on my face.

I pulled it together and said, “Thank you for meeting me!” She smiled even brighter and said “Its been a long time.” We bought a round of shots sat down but we were silent for a minute. I did know what to say; even if I did say something I didn’t want it to be awkward. I have a habit of doing that.

After a while of chit chat of the usual, “How are you”s, “how is everyone” and all that she asked, “How is your blog going I was quiet down at that point I was hardly writing. So I said I am not writing much know, I am not having that rush to write each time something pops into my mind.

            I thought that was some random question that she through at me. But she did not stop at that, she kept going on.

“ Why? You have a fair hand at writing and you have special way of saying things. You can write about thoughts that are in the category of, ‘I know but don’t know how to say’ That is not something you should retain. So tall me what is blocking you?”

            I was stuck again, “I…. I don’t know. I think of writing I take up my pen I sit down I get thoughts, but in the end when I am about to write. I think to myself ‘Why in the world am I writing’ I don’t get that big of an appreciation or criticism; I have to ask people to read my article, repeatedly and ask again for feedback. If these thoughts don’t make an impression on anyone nor does it make want to read it. Why Should I write, as you said ‘I know but don’t know how to say’ category thoughts and besides people already know this stuff they just can express it. Rigth!”

            “Sometimes you are as stupid as You are efficient” she said. I went like, “What!!!..” She continued, “Do you even Listen to yourself! You are complaining like a 9 year old kid with the maturity of 90 year old. But when I think about it, there is a little infant inside you always. You get angry all of a sudden, you don’t use that head of yours because of this impatient. It is not always fair. If Life is Fare to you will not know what to do at the right time to get what we want. It filters well that how much you work is how much you get! You have it in you, Everybody sees it, Its Time that you did to. That is why Even if you get angry people still talk to you. That is why there are second chances”

“Life Is Never Fair” that struck me quite deep, I said, “but Life is fair, If it wasn’t for all my experiences I would not have started writing. If it wasn’t for all the sharing of experiences that I have heard all these past years I would not have known how to present anything” She gave me a queries look That made me fire it up more. “If it wasn’t for my suido-maturity look on my face I would not have been called forward to be a leader. It was that kick that made me not be a timid boy how always cried when I failed. Even then I have never heard anyone say that Life was so fair that there was someone that noticed me when they did, which is why I am here right now. People talk about the bad side of life because that is not there fault. Maybe people jut want to be free of the responsibility or stress, that is why people lean in on Life. Just like I Write! I did not stop writing because I was sad I was sad because I stopped writing”

She smiled her most beautiful smile. “Now that is the you everyone admires the real you. You are a gift of goodness keep it alive. I believe in you”

‘It is good to have someone that believes in you”, I said peacefully. That is it dear, Everyone Believes when You Believe

Thus Began a Beautiful day with a beautiful Breakfast and a beautiful person.