I’m Me Moving Forward!

I’m Me Moving Forward!

It is really strange how thing turn out in life. When I think back now I was never good at friendships, I managed to get along I KG class, then till 10^th standard I had friends but not no one was a besty kind or not even close to that we studied in the same class kind. Then in 11^th 12^th I got so many friends that I lost count still not besty. Will at that time it was ok I tried to make fiends they become kind of close then they find a besty and bye bye me. Well friendship was never meant for me I guess. I did not know how to talk non-offensively; I am a non-caring idiot. All I have are people how come to me when they need me and people who say that I am an idiot to do these things for others without thinking about you. Yes it is always my fault I am sorry and I can’t change no matter how hard I try I keep falling back and well I don’t know.

            Over the past few years I grew close to a few friends that I started sharing a lot with, I kind of grew dependent on them I guess. It hurt when they didn’t talk to me. I am being destroyed now. It started with one and now I kind of have non. When I …… of all the things that has happen I am a total waste now

            I thought of giving up every single second of every single minute of every single hour of every single day, my doctor even told me that I might have a slight depression. Responsibilities are the only things that are driving me on during these times. I can’t even understand myself, what do I have a talent for, if I am good at anything if I…. I don’t know. I mean there is no reason for existence anymore. Well other than responsibilities.

            In the middle of, my family problems educational issues that I have created for myself unemployment unable to pursue my passion of martial art music art built thing that I imagine up, well I guess I just like doing all these things that does not mean that I am any good at it, the only thing that is driving me on is one ward. “HOPE” and I am starting to loose that everything.

            I really wish I had help, but … I don’t I share this helplessness and all I get is sympathy ‘The “Awww..!...” thing’ and I hate that.

            I believe that I have to go at this alone if someone comes along offering help, Thankyou. But if that mean be a different me then sorry I would rather be alone. To let out that anger its better if you are alone atleast you will not hurt anyone. In times of my greatest need I was always alone. That is not a bad thing. You are getting stronger just like working out. You will only find out after you finish the course. Gym takes time to build your body you can’t do it over a 3 minute song, like in the movies. Thought it takes time just deal with it without making a big deal. Unless you shout out no one else will know. All the friends that  I had given so much importance to, they are not even talking to me. Some don’t like it when I am me, If I am not me when I am with them then there are things to be learned for the both of us. Friends are not those people that tolerate all you split ends they are the ones who get hurt a bit and make you feel that pain so that everyone grows together. In growth there is change. It is ok that you change that is a part of life. No change is equal to stubborn, and you are like a pond; which is not really clean. Good changes are needed if you want to move forward in life. Change into a better you not into a copy of someone exactly. That does not mean that you shouldn’t take others as an example.

            The rest of “what I am trying to say is…”, you will understand on your own way

            When you want to give up you will get every single reason in the world Bu when You want to give it all and move forward, all you will have is that reason, the most Powerful one “I will Do It!...” that drive is all you will have and that is all you will need. I am going to make it through it. Move forward with me in your own ways